I strongly believe that we all want our lives and relationships to be more authentic and life-giving. When they're not, we know it and long to change. The change we need comes when we can understand ourselves more honestly and get beyond the old stories we tell ourselves, or the blame and counter-blame in our relationships. As a friend and mentor says: in therapy it's not so much that we "fix" our problems as that our problems "fix" us. Life presents us with difficulty, and the solution is our own growth.